What Happens When an Addict Meets Jesus?
Inside This Episode
James spent years trapped in addiction, crime, and prison — until one unexpected moment changed everything. In this powerful conversation, he shares how he hit rock bottom, the encounter with God that shook him awake, and how Jesus transformed his mind, relationships, and future.
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Transcript
Eric Huffman: How old were you the first time you got high?
James: On meth, 13.
Eric Huffman: 13?
James: Yeah.
Eric Huffman: What did it feel like? Describe it to me.
James: Um...
Eric Huffman: How quickly did you become addicted to this stuff?
James: Immediately.
Eric Huffman: Really?
James: That's the only thing I thought about.
Eric Huffman: That's the nature of addiction, isn't it? You start out wanting this thing more than anything else and then over time it just comes to enslave you.
James: Yeah.
Eric Huffman: By the time he was 20, James wasn't just a drug addict, he was a convicted criminal who would end up spending a decade of his life behind bars.
James: When you pull up on the bus, you have hundreds of guys out there. They're all on the fence shaking it.
Eric Huffman: Because the newbies are arriving.
James: It's like a scare tactic, but it works. He just came and hit me from the side, almost knocked me out. I hit the ground. I remember I had a swollen face. My nose was busted, my eye. And I just remember feeling so proud.
Eric Huffman: For making it?
James: Yeah, for being a man.
Eric Huffman: James had no intention of changing his life, but when God showed up, everything changed.
James: And this is what I saw with my own two eyes.
Eric Huffman: Wow. My whole world completely flipped upside down.
James: I had never felt nothing so strong and so powerful overtake me. All those years of the addiction, I realized this is what I've been looking for.
Eric Huffman: James, welcome to Maybe God. Glad you're here. Thanks for coming and telling us your story. This is really the first time you've told this story to an audience as large as this one. Maybe God isn't a massive podcast, but it's a whole bunch of people that are going to hear this for the first time. How are you feeling about that?
James: I'm feeling excited. Really excited. Yeah.
Eric Huffman: Well, thank you for your courage, man. I appreciate it. I know a lot of people are going to hear this and at minimum be impressed and inspired, but I know a lot are going to be changed as well.
Just sort of take us back to, I guess the worst of it, man. I don't know if you'd say it's the worst of it. But to me, it sounds like the worst of it. How many years did you serve in jail and prison?
James: 10 years.
Eric Huffman: 10 years total. What ages was that?
James: So that was 20 and 21. And then 22 I was actually out. And then I did 23 to 32.
Eric Huffman: Man, prime years. Tell us something about prison that surprised you that you weren't ready for.
James: My first time incarcerated was pretty brutal at one point. I got to a unit, Mineral Wells up, I think, North of Fort Worth. And as soon as you pull up... so this was an old army barrack base. It had a fence all the way around it. And when you pull up on the bus, you have hundreds of guys out there working out, ranges, big guys, muscle guys. Anyways, they're all on the fence shaking it.
Eric Huffman: Because the newbies are arriving.
James: Yeah, because the bus is there. And so it's like a scare tactic, but it works. It's segregated. So you have the Hispanics yelling at the Hispanics getting off the bus. Then you have the Blacks yelling at the Blacks getting off the bus, and then the Whites yelling at the Whites.
So for me, I was never in a gang or anything like that. But at that time, I knew that when you got down there, they have different families. They have actual families like Aryan Brotherhood, Aryan Circle, but then they have the Woodpile. There's no rank, there's no lieutenants, captains. So it's a little different. But nonetheless, when I got off the bus, I already had in my mind that I wasn't going to look weak. And so the Whites-
Eric Huffman: You can't, right? I mean, that's not an option.
James: No, because if you're weak, specifically there, I would say, because this is where I had my experience like that. But if you get in certain situations and you don't fight, well, then you'll get jumped. So it's either fight and win or lose or just lose.
Eric Huffman: Dude, it's like the movies. It's just exactly like it looks and sounds in the movies.
James: Yeah. And they actually shut that place down. It was so bad. But anyways, so I got off the bus and they're like, "Where are the woods at?" And I immediately threw my hands up.
Eric Huffman: Did you know this going in that there was a Woodpile? I did.
James: I did. Because I was in the county for almost two years before I actually went to prison. Oh, sorry. That was my second time. This time I was in the county for eight months. And so I had already talked to some people, this and that, and was sort of, like they say, riding, so to speak.
Eric Huffman: What does that mean? Just you're apart. You're like clicking up with them. And so I hadn't been jumped in or anything like that. But anyways, when I got off the bus and they said, "Where's the woods at?" I threw my hands up and they said, "We'll meet you at your dorm. We're coming for you." And so I remember thinking in my head, "Okay, so I need to get down there. I need to get my boots on, laced up, get ready, because I don't know what-
Eric Huffman: ...they're coming for.
James: I don't know what that means fully. I just know there's a fight coming. And so I get down there, long story short, they bring me up to the third row, we go in the bathroom, they put all the drapes up, and they sort of close it off. And it's a two-on-one and you go for 45 seconds.
Eric Huffman: What?
James: I remember that I was fighting one-on-one with one guy and I was doing decent. And the other guy forgot about him. He just came and hit me from the side and almost knocked me out. I hit the ground. It's already dangerous. When you fight in a bathroom, you don't even realize everything that can be fatal, which is a sink, a toilet. Anyways, they hit everything.
I almost hit the ground. I catch myself with my hands and I get back up. I make it through. But I remember I had a swollen face. My jaw was just like not broken, but I mean, you know, it might have been fractured. Who knows? My nose was busted. My eye. And I just remember feeling so proud.
Eric Huffman: For making it? For surviving.
James: To be a man. In the terms of at least what I used to think.
Eric Huffman: Did the guards just turn a blind eye to that kind of thing?
James: There they did. I remember the next morning, one of the guards was like, "Hey, you come here." And I walked over there and he was like, "Hey, what happened to you?" I was like, "Nothing." He goes, I mean, nothing didn't make any sense. He said, "Are you a wood?" I said, "Yeah." He goes, "Oh, okay. Get out of here."
Eric Huffman: He knew what happened.
James: He already knew.
Eric Huffman: So it's just the woods that do that kind of initiation.
James: Oh, no.
Eric Huffman: Everybody does it to some degree?
James: Yeah.
Eric Huffman: Okay. Wow. Dude, that's brutal. It's Stone Age stuff, man. So tell us what got you in prison. What landed you there?
James: Well, both times it was drugs. Methamphetamine specifically was the main drug. The first time I just got caught, pulled over, and I was actually in the back of someone's vehicle and I tried to hide everything. I had a little like an Altoids can. And I remember putting it in the Altoids can and put it between my legs because they were about to pull me out of the car because the guy that was driving was wanted. Of course they're about to search us and all that. So they pat me down, they didn't feel it. They put me in the back of the cop car.
While I'm in the back of the cop car, I'm trying to shake everything out and just dump it in the cop car so it's not on me. And right when I was able to shake it before it was... cause I had shorts on right before it hit the ground in the cop car, they opened the door to pull me back out. And when they pulled me back out, I'm on a feeder road. So it hits the concrete and is the loudest thing I ever heard in my life.
Eric Huffman: I bet you're done at that point. How old were you?
James: I was 19, 20, right in there.
Eric Huffman: Let's back up a little and talk about how that all started. How old were you the first time you got high?
James: On meth, 13.
Eric Huffman: 13?
James: Yeah.
Eric Huffman: How?
James: So when I was 12, I'd smoked a little weed and taken some pills, but 13... friends, well, acquaintances. Yeah. I was the only child. So I always hung out with older people.
Eric Huffman: Sure.
James: Some of my good friends who hung out with some people that were even older than them, I would just be around them. I just remember we were in my friend's living room and we were over there smoking weed, but everybody was acting so strange. Me and my buddy was sitting on the couch and they kept coming in and out of the bedroom. And finally, I'm like, "Man, what's going on?"
So they call my friend in there, he goes in there, he comes out and he's like, "I couldn't do it." And I was like, "Do what?" When I go in there, they had it. And they were like, "Hey, now look, first, we want to tell you that Chris didn't want to do it. And if you don't want to..." And before they could even get that out of their mouth, I was like, "Give me all of it."
Eric Huffman: What was it about what you had going on in your life that made you so willing at 13?
James: 13. There was nothing bad. Like it wasn't situational wise. I was just a risk taker. I like to be a part of the crowd, fear of missing out. I wanted to be everywhere at all times. I would say it was more pure pressure, but not on the sense of me being scared to do it. I just didn't want to miss out.
Eric Huffman: Sure.
James: I want to be able to-
Eric Huffman: Keep up.
James: Yeah.
Eric Huffman: What'd it feel like?
James: It was amazing.
Eric Huffman: Really?
James: It was amazing.
Eric Huffman: Describe it to me.
James: You know, like when you get an adrenaline rush or, you know, you do something exciting and you're just full of energy, you can maximize that by about a thousand.
Eric Huffman: Is it immediate or is it a burn?
James: When you snorted or smoke it or anything, it's gradual. But if you eat it or if you shoot it, it's-
Eric Huffman: Different.
James: Yeah.
Eric Huffman: What did you do the first time?
James: Actually, the first time I did it, I snorted it, but the very second time I shot it.
Eric Huffman: So how quickly did you become addicted to this stuff?
James: Immediately.
Eric Huffman: Really?
James: That's the only thing I thought about.
Eric Huffman: It's out of gum.
James: Yeah. Because the first time I did it, I stayed up for, I don't know, like three or four days. And I'm talking about stayed up three or four days. No sleep. So much energy. I mean, scatterbrained, but at the same time focused. It's a very hard thing to explain. Very hard. But I understand why drugs are so enticing.
Eric Huffman: Of course.
James: Because you could say that, you know, say no to drugs cause they're bad and they... there's a reason why people do them.
Eric Huffman: Oh, yeah.
James: There's a reason why.
Eric Huffman: And you know, most of us are on some kind of drugs. Just most of us are prescribed to them. Drugs can be good for us. They're obviously powerful and do something to us. And I get it. And especially when you're young and searching for something and wanting to fit in and... I understand it. How do you support a drug habit 13 to 20? I understand like 16 plus you get a regular job or maybe you're just whatever. But when you're that young, what'd you do to find these drugs?
James: You steal.
Eric Huffman: Really?
James: Yeah. You either hang around with people that have it or you steal stuff. I did a lot of stealing.
Eric Huffman: Really? Was that a massive change? Of course, for you as a child before that, were you a pretty good kid?
James: Yeah, I think it was a pretty drastic change.
Eric Huffman: What about mom and dad? You mentioned there's no siblings, just a lot of influential friends. Were mom and dad involved in your life in a closeup way?
James: Yeah. Mom and dad, they've been married, I think 45, 46 years now. My dad was actually a pastor-
Eric Huffman: What?
James: ...before I was born and up until I was maybe six or seven. And then I remember actually 13 years old, we went a few times, I guess before that, but we had went to my dad's friend's church. The only memory I really have of that was there was a service where I felt something at that time, fully didn't know, but I felt led to go to the front of the church. I got baptized. My mom even said I spoke in tongues. I don't really remember anything. How old were you?
James: 13.
Eric Huffman: 13.
James: And it was about two and a half weeks after is when I-
Eric Huffman: Is that right?
James: ...did meth for the first time.
Eric Huffman: How do you make sense of that looking back? Is that just coincidence?
James: Oh, I know it was just an attack. There's another thing. There's another world that's more real.
Eric Huffman: Spiritual world.
James: And I didn't know that. So, for me, it was just all I... all I know is what I see. And for me, that really didn't affect me fully. It did had an impact. And I know it even had deeper impact probably. I believe that God did something in all the years that I was out on that day that kept me. But at the same time, someone came after me immediately and I didn't realize I was being pursued by the enemy.
Eric Huffman: Yeah. This spiritual enemy of ours, he knows what he's doing. He's not creative, but he is persistent. And maybe we have people watching now that don't believe in the devil. A lot of people believe in God, but not the devil. But when you follow Jesus or believe in God long enough, you'll come into contact with some, you know, nefarious spiritual something.
And rarely did they try to make it make obvious out of us. Like he didn't try to convince you that your experience in church was wrong or, you know, you shouldn't believe what you believe. He just made you a drug addict. It's much easier, you know? Wow.
James: He said, "I can give you a feeling like that."
Eric Huffman: That's right. That's right. On demand.
James: Yeah.
Eric Huffman: Whenever you want it. Hmm. Did you at some point go from, I mean, just using drugs to dealing them?
James: Yes. I would say from 13 to about 17 and a half, somewhere around there, I strictly just did drugs. I started selling around 18, 19 years old. And then it was at 20 when I got-
Eric Huffman: During that whole time, you mentioned your parents were good parents. Did they get worried about you? Were there ever any interventions or anything where they saw their son going down the tubes?
James: My mom knew, I mean, almost immediately. I immediately started to run away. I missed a lot of school. I went to juvenile twice. Both of those were for... one was a burglary of a habitation to rob someone's house or stole stuff out of their house. They wasn't home. And then I burglarized a building. And she tried but at that point, I mean, listening to mom was not even part of my identity. That was not what I was going to do. If it didn't benefit me, then I wouldn't even hear her voice.
Eric Huffman: Did you know you were a drug addict? Did you call yourself that?
James: No. The only time I ever really remember feeling like this has got a grip on me and I cannot stop was after I got out of prison the first time, I had got a parole officer who... the first parole officer I had never drug tested me. And so here I am at a prison, the only thing that stopped me from doing drugs was fear of going back to prison. Now I've got a parole officer that really doesn't care, at least in my opinion, you know, drug testing me.
And so I started to do drugs again. And I'd been on this little bender for about a month and then I get a new parole officer and she immediately drug tests me. I fail. She says, "Hey, look, don't come back in here and fail another drug test." I'm like, "I'm not going to jail?" She said, "No, but don't come back in here next month." And that was it. And so I went right back out. Well, when it came time for that, and I'm also taking Xanax, Laura sets or Vicodin, somas, muscle relaxers.
Eric Huffman: And meth.
James: And meth. I would ecstasy. I mean, it was a smorgasbord of drugs. But when it came time, I knew when I was going to have to take this drug test, I knew the exact day. And I had tried to stop doing drugs a few days before and I didn't like the way I felt coming off of the drug. So I said, "Oh, well then I'll just try to buy one of these drinks that gives you a false negative." That didn't work either.
And so when it came around and then I failed and my old parole officer came in there and basically saved me. My parole officer gave me another chance. She said, "Look, I'm going to give you one more chance. You felt two drug tests back-to-back. If you come in the next time, I'm going to violate you." And I'm like, "So you're letting me go?" She's like-
Eric Huffman: That's all you heard. That's crazy.
James: So right before I went back to prison the second time, about four and a half months before that, I remembered that I was so... at this point now I just had to stay up because I'm selling drugs and people call me at all time, at all hours of the night, all hours of the day. If my phone rings, I got to answer it because you know, I want the money. Now I have addiction to money. I want the money. I want the drugs, but the drugs are here. I have a surplus of drugs, but the money is my other chase now.
I just remember one time I had drawn up a shot and I was so tired because I'd been up... I don't even know how many days, but I had been up so long that I'm falling in and out of consciousness, but I'm not going to go to sleep. I literally never consciously went and laid in my bed to go to sleep. I always passed out. Always passed out. And I woke up not knowing what was going on, not knowing where I was at fully, checking for my money in my wallet and making sure nobody got me.
I just remember I drew up this shot and I went to put it in my arm and I felt so disgusted. I knew I was going to do it and nothing was going to stop me from doing it, but the way I felt, and I was like, "There's nothing else that's going to keep me awake. There's nothing. I have to put this needle in my arm to just survive right now." And I remember it hit me, not fully, but I can remember the feeling of disgust.
I literally had the guy that I was living with, I gave him the syringe and just put my arm behind my back, and I said, "Hey, I just need you to do that." I didn't even want to watch.
Eric Huffman: Because it disgusted you so much.
James: Yeah
Eric Huffman: That's the nature of addiction, isn't it? You start out wanting this thing more than anything else, and then over time, it just comes to enslave you. The first time you got in trouble, what were the charges?
James: The first time it was a Walmart theft. So I was in Harris County on which... In Humble, actually, I think it was out of 1960. And the funny thing was, I didn't actually steal anything that time. But the woman I was with, we both went in there and we were walking out together, and she had her purse just full of stuff. Anyways, they brought us down to the county jail, Harris County jail. And I just did one night, I ended up getting out the very next day.
The second time was a DWI. I actually had that same woman, so that was the mother of my daughter, I had both of them in the car. I wasn't on drugs then either, but I had drugs in the vehicle. I had prescription medication. So I had a bottle of Xanax, Lortab, and Soma under my seat, and I was hiding them from her because she had an addiction. And we went in together, I was just helping her get from one place to another, and I get pulled over because I had a warrant for an assault that I didn't even realize I had.
And so they pulled me out of the cop car because I was speeding, that's the reason why I got pulled over. When they pulled me out of the cop car, they run my record, they see I have this warrant, they start to search the vehicle, then they find the pills. And long story short, I didn't want to go to jail, so when I was in the little county annex, I started acting like I was overdosing. And the cop looked at me and he goes, "Really, you want to do this?" He knew I was faking it, but because I was faking it so much, he had to at least send me to the hospital. And so because of that, he goes, "All right, well, I'll teach you a lesson," and he wrote me a DWI with a child endangerment.
And I remember as soon as he told me, I sobered up. I said, "Hey man, look, I just didn't want to go to jail. I just wanted to go to the hospital." He goes, "We're doing all that today."
Eric Huffman: He was fed up.
James: Yeah.
Eric Huffman: Dang. And your daughter was in the car?
James: Mm-mm.
Eric Huffman: So you kind of slipped that in on me. You had a daughter at this point in your life. How old were you when she was born?
James: I was 19.
Eric Huffman: What was your relationship with her like when she was little?
James: I didn't even really have her long, because me and Mom didn't last long. As soon as we split, well, baby goes with her, and I didn't really get to see her much.
Eric Huffman: So your first time, let's speed up a little, fast forward to the first time in real prison. Did you change at all?
James: That first time I only did a year and a half, and I did not at all. Like I said, the only thing that caused me not to do drugs for about three months when I got out was fear of not wanting to go back, not wanting to lose my freedom, not being told what to do day and night, told where to sleep, what to eat. That was the fear that only lasted three months.
Eric Huffman: So when you're on parole and you're out, obviously hoping to stay out of trouble and never go back, how did you end up going back if you served 10 years total and that was just a year and a half? Obviously there's something else that happened.
James: That was 2012. I got out December 2011, and by February or March, I was already doing the same thing I did the first time I went to prison. Just to shorten it up a little bit, I ended up calling my parole officer that last time because I was going to fail again, but I knew that I couldn't stop long enough to pass it. And so we got into an argument, and basically at the end of that argument, this is what I told her. I said, "Well, I'm done with parole. Have a good life," and just hung up. And I was like, "Well, I'm not going back to see her anymore. They're going to have to catch me."
Eric Huffman: At that point you're basically on the run.
James: So my aunt ended up dying, and it was so bad that... I knew she was dying for about two weeks. At least my mom told me, you know, she's about to pass. But she'd been sick her whole life. And so I'm like, "Yeah, she'll be fine." I never went to see her and she died.
So now from the drug addiction I was already in, it just sort of ramped up because of the guilt I felt. She didn't get to see me. Now my whole family's bad. My mom wouldn't even answer the phone because she was like, "You better make it to the funeral." And I got so stuck in a game room because I didn't want to see anybody. And so I was in this game room playing Triple Sevens, and I just got zoned out. And when I look at my clock, when I look at the time, I'm like, "I'm already 30 minutes late." And so then I wait longer. And by the time I pull up into the cemetery, I pull back, I drive all through, there's nobody nowhere.
Eric Huffman: Too late.
James: And I remember just breaking down. And I don't know when the last time I'd cried, but I just remember breaking down. I started doing more and more drugs, more than I normally did. And I did a lot already.
I was driving back from Aldine Mail Route on 59, and I stopped at Homestead, and someone came to pick up some drugs from me. And the last thing I remember is when they knocked on my passenger door, I told him to open the door, and they jumped in, and then I just black out. The next thing I know is I'm in my vehicle... So I didn't know what happened at the time, but I hit two people... one vehicle, but two people in the vehicle. I hit them head on. When I come to, I'm latched onto my steering wheel, and I'm spinning out of control, and I'm in pain, and the glass in my windshield is busted out and I'm like just spinning in the middle of this road. And it stops.
And the crazy thing was that there was a man standing in the middle of the road, and I'm like, "Hey, get all the drugs and the guns out of my vehicle. You can have it. Get it out before the cops get here." Now, the funny thing is because of the life I lived and the areas I was always around, I guess at that point, I just assumed that this person would just take it, no questions asked, and feel like they gained something. So anyways, they didn't take anything out of the vehicle, and it wasn't a man, but it was definitely an angel. After being in the county-
Eric Huffman: Why do you say that?
James: Well, I was in the county, and I had a lawyer. I was in the county for 17 months before I got sentenced. And so we had went over police reports, all these different things, there was never an eyewitness. No one was thrown from the vehicle. There wasn't nobody in the road. You know what I mean? There was no evidence of any man being at the scene of the crime by any means.
Eric Huffman: What did he look like?
James: I mean, I literally thought it was a man. I couldn't give you detailed description, but it was just a man, brown hair, and he was just standing right in the middle of the road. But he was facing me.
Eric Huffman: You offered an angel drugs and guns, bro. That's going to be a funny conversation in heaven one day.
James: Yeah.
Eric Huffman: Wow.
James: I tried to explain it away. I did. But I did all the research, and it was like, well, I mean-
Eric Huffman: Looking back, that's the only sense you can make of it.
James: Yeah. So I got into the wreck, and I was in the hospital for nine days. I broke my femur bone. So I had a major surgery. I think like day four, a state trooper came in there and talked to me and asked me all these questions about "Whose vehicle is it? We found all this stuff in the vehicle: a sawed off shotgun, a .357 revolver, 26 grams of meth, Xanax, marijuana." Of course I denied it all. I'm like, "I don't know, that's not even my vehicle."
And I thought I was slick because the vehicle I had, I had rented it, so to speak, from my friend's mother. So it was all in her name. I was like, "Look, you pay for the car and the insurance, and I'll just pay you." And so I thought that, you know, by that I could get out of it. And I was like, "I don't know, it's not my vehicle, so I don't know about any of that stuff." He's like, "Okay."
The crazy thing was that in my mind, I should have been handcuffed to the bed, right? Because in my mind, you just told me enough evidence for me to be locked to this bed, but he just gave me the insurance information from the other vehicle, and then the insurance information from the vehicle I was in, and just told me basically, "Have a good day." And so I was in and out because I was coming down off those drugs, but they had me on other drugs, so I just did a lot of sleeping in those nine days. I wouldn't really awake a lot.
The last day they said that they were going to release me, and I just needed someone to come pick me up. And I had lost everything. I didn't have my phone, my wallet. Nothing. I couldn't remember anybody's number. I finally remembered my friend's number, and she's like, "Well, I can be up there. I'll come get you." I said, "Well, hurry up."
So she gets up there, they went from rushing me out the door to now they're stalling. And I started to feel it, and I was like, "Hey, y'all said y'all was going to let me go like an hour ago. What's going on?" "Oh, we'll find out." So they go back out the room, I literally get up off the bed... and I remember I have a broken femur bone, so like it's not working at all, but I had these little walker.
And I remember getting out the door and looking in that same lady who said she was going to go find out, had her legs up on the table. And in my mind, they're just waiting for the cops to get here. So I ripped all the IVs out, and I tell him, "I'm gone." So I told my friend to go get in the car. I got down to the first floor. She pulled around. It was weird, because it's a big hospital. I can get lost easy. But as soon as I got out the doors, there she was. And I threw that walker in the back, jumped in the back. So painful.
Eric Huffman: Yeah. I can only imagine. So you're on the run again?
James: And I'm on the run. And so I'm at my aunt's house in Texas. The next day the cops end up showing up at my dad's house. I don't remember how many constables he said it was, but it was-
Eric Huffman: Enough.
James: We can just say that. They just woke him up out of a dead sleep because he works nights. So when they're like, "Well, where's your son at?" he told them. And when they left, he realized "I just don't know where my son's at." So I get a call. My mom's like, "Hey, the cops are probably going to be heading over there."
And so when I found out the cops were coming, I told my mom, "Well, I'm going to get my friend to come pick me up, and you're not going to see me for a while." She said, "James, if I can take you somewhere where I know you'll be safe, can I take you?" I said, "You better come get me right now." My mom left work, came and picked me up, and drove me nine hours to Arkansas to my other aunt's house.
Eric Huffman: Wow.
James: And for me to even be there, my aunt, this is a Pentecostal woman who's been to church her whole life.
Eric Huffman: Arkansas Pentecostal.
James: She don't play no games. For her to even let me in the house, knowing what was going on was only God. Was only God.
Eric Huffman: Wow.
James: And then on top of that, she didn't act the same as she did with everybody else. I didn't really know her, right? I mean, as a kid, but not in life, really. So the aunt that I got was not the aunt that other people knew, the strict, stern. I didn't get that.
Eric Huffman: You needed something else, something different. You were broken in more ways than one, but I'm guessing she made you go to church.
James: Well, no. It was very humbling because she had to hold me up in the shower because I couldn't hold myself up. And I had never felt so helpless in my life. Never. And she always made everyone else go to church, because she's home to other people, aunts, uncles, cousins. She would ask me, because she's going Sunday twice, Wednesday, you know, she's going all week long, every morning. And she would ask me, and I'd say, "Nah, I'm okay."
I couldn't tell you how long I was there. It wasn't long. Like I said, I was only there four months altogether, but I ended up getting bored. And now I was a womanizer. I've been with, you know, a lot of different women, especially in the drugs. I always had a different woman. And now here I am, I don't know how long I'd been there, not too long, but I was lonely. And I'm like, "Man, and the church she went to was a big church." And I'm like, "I know there's some women there. I know there's some women there."
Eric Huffman: So you went to church to find women.
James: Yeah. And I remember we pulled up in the parking lot and the front doors are wide open, and you can literally hear people worshiping and the choir singing. And the feeling that came over me was so powerful that I wept the whole service before I even got in the doors, all the way till I got in the doors, sitting down through worship, the service. I don't even remember what was preached. I don't remember what was said. But at the very end, I had a lot of people come and lay their hands on me to pray for me and it pissed me off so bad. I told my aunt, I said, "Get me out of here right now."
Eric Huffman: Really?
James: Yeah.
Eric Huffman: Even though you had all the emotions going, having people like... did it feel like pity? Did it feel like they were belittling you or what?
James: Maybe it was just, you know, pride. Like, you know, "I don't need no help. Get your hands off me. I'm not vulnerable. Don't make me feel like I'm vulnerable." But I literally almost in a sense... you know, because you can control yourself, but sometimes when you're crying like that, there's no control. It was just weeping. But I kept going back.
I just remember that I had been a few times. So Wednesdays, I've been on Sundays. I think I'd went with her in the mornings. Because I kept feeling that same presence. I didn't know what it was and I hadn't asked any questions, and she didn't pry. But we're sitting in the living room... and let me add that my grandma lived there and she had full-blown dementia, 10 kids, barely even remembers her daughter that she lives with. But she knew Jesus and she didn't forget Jesus.
Anyways, we're sitting in the living room and I'm like, "Aunt Biddy," you know, "every time I go to church..." And almost every time I wept like that, almost every time. Maybe one time I didn't. Every other time. I'm talking about so much... I'm crying so hard that I would have a migraine afterwards and just snot and just... it was just coming out of me, you know? Years of just...
Eric Huffman: I know.
James: And so I'm like, you know, "Aunt Biddy, what's that feeling I keep feeling?" She said, "Well, that's the Holy Ghost, baby. That's God's wrapping His arms of love around you." And I said, "I ain't never felt nothing like that before." And then she started to preach Jesus to me, and just talking about the goodness of God.
I don't know how long she did that, maybe a few minutes, and the same presence that I had been feeling in that church, I felt come in her living room.
Eric Huffman: Geez.
James: And it was so strong that my aunt immediately stopped talking about Jesus and got down on the floor, her and my grandma, and just started worshiping and they're speaking in tongues and they're in worship mode. And this is what I saw in my own two eyes: I saw the heavens opened up and I seen Jesus sitting on the throne. And I got down as slow as I could on my left knee, my good knee, balling like a baby. And I said, "Lord, if you want me to serve you, I'll serve you."
Eric Huffman: Oh my goodness.
James: So that was September 21st, 2012. It's a Friday. September 23rd, which was the Sunday, I remember going to the church, and now instead of people putting their hands on me and me fighting them, I just surrendered to the Lord, went to the altar. And when I got baptized in the Holy Spirit, my whole world completely flipped upside down. I had never felt nothing so strong and so powerful overtake me. All those years of the addiction, the very thing that I was chasing without knowing it was the presence of God. And that was pure. And when I received the pure Spirit of God, I realized this is what I've been looking for.
Eric Huffman: That's right. That's right. All our efforts to be intoxicated, it's just searching for God, I'm convinced. And when the New Testament, like Paul writes about not getting drunk, he says, "Don't get drunk with wine, be filled with the Spirit." He pairs those ideas all the time. And it's because the feeling that the sensation of being in twelve with the Spirit of God is like drunkenness 10X, I mean, infinite X. And it's not dependent on the substance you've been drinking or shooting up or whatever, you know, it's real. And once you find that, the drugs that used to be everything to you, you realize they're nothing and that they pale in comparison to the real thing.
James: And there's no come down.
Eric Huffman: Yeah, that's right. And there's no criminal charges, but I think, you know, we say that God creates and Satan imitates. God made us for intoxication in a sense. He made us to be drunk in the Spirit. He made us to be completely swept up in the Holy Spirit. And of course the enemy is going to imitate it and intoxicate us with other lesser things to keep us from the real thing.
The story goes all the way back to Genesis 3. You know, God's like, "I want all this good stuff for you. Just stay away from that one thing." And we just keep choosing that other thing. It's easier, I guess. It keeps us in control. So we think. You know, it really doesn't because eventually the drugs have us, as you've shared.
So after you become a Christian, you've still got all this other stuff going on. You've still got all this weight of your past, all the charges, I guess, that are out there, people looking for you. What'd you do after that?
James: So after I got saved, after the Lord radically saved me, the only thing I thought about was Jesus. I was so enraptured in His presence and His love. I had never been pursued. I had never been seen. I had never felt that way ever. And so the only thing I thought about was was Him. And so now here I am not even thinking about those things, but I had got close to some guys my age in the church. I was just always with them. And I started listening to Christian rap and just all kinds of Christian music, never even touched Christian music. I was actually a metal head.
Funny story. I remember I was with some Christian girls and I'm like, "Hey, y'all would like this." And I turned some metal on, they're like... Because they sort of knew. I didn't tell them the full story of me running, but they were like, "Yeah, we're going to have to grab ahold of him still. He's still got some sanctified-
Eric Huffman: Got some of that darkness in him.
James: But yeah, I just started going to church just any chance I could. My friend, his uncle was a pastor in Mississippi. We went road tripping, went to his church, little church meetings, all kinds of stuff. I basically was living in a totally different realm, so to speak. Like my past was so forgiven that I actually forgot that the state hadn't forgiven it and that cops were still looking for me and all that.
And so I was at that church in Mississippi, and we were still in the worship part of it. He hadn't preached yet. And I remember I had to use a restroom. So I come out of the sanctuary and I go to the bathroom. And as soon as I hit the doors, and this scripture came so alive to me, and I'll tell you why, but as soon as I hit the doors, the Spirit of God hit me so strong. I began to pray in the spirit from the sanctuary doors into the bathroom. I'm using the restroom and I'm weeping as well. And I'm looking at myself in the mirror, washing my hands, and in my mind, I'm thinking to myself, "Is this going to stop?" Because it's coming out of me so strongly.
And that's how I know the spirit and the mind are two separate things. So I was praying in the spirit and thinking in my mind, "Am I going crazy?" And I came out of the bathroom. And as soon as I came back in the sanctuary, it's like it shut off. And that scripture now is "out of your belly shall flow rivers of living water". And I felt so refreshed, so renewed, so invigorated, so clean.
I remember the first time I heard the Lord speak to me, I heard Him say "Proverbs." I thought 35, right? And I remember, I was like, "God just spoke to me and gave me a scripture." So I called my mom and I'm like, "God just told me to read Proverbs 35." She said, "There's no Proverbs 35." I said, "Woman, I know what I heard." She said, "Calm down." She said, "Go get a Bible and open it up and go to Proverbs chapter three, verse five: 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.'"
And I remember reading that, and then immediately the Lord said, "Turn yourself in." But there was a peace. Fear didn't hit me. Because the other thing I could have thought was, "Well, so you went to prison for meth and then here you are getting caught with meth and guns and other drugs." But I had peace. And I needed to have that peace because when I told my aunt, she said, "Well, no, you need to stay in this bubble. Basically, you need to let God continue to mold you."
Eric Huffman: Good thing's happening for you.
James: And then my uncle, because I had another aunt and uncle that lived there and a cousin, actually a few cousins. And so they all went to the same church and I was around them all the time. My uncle who, you know, meant well, but he was like, "James, you're probably going to go to prison for a long time. I don't think you should do that." And I said, "I know what God told me to do, and I'm going to be obedient to Him no matter what happens, no matter what the outcome is." And so I needed that because if not, I would have listened to it.
Eric Huffman: And look, there might be people watching right now and maybe you've thought this, that maybe, you know, they were trying to give you bad advice to not turn. I don't think that at all. I think they were concerned about your salvation. You were so new to the faith and they wanted to keep you in that bubble for a bit longer so you could mature and grow in your faith before you're thrown back to the wolves in prison. I get it too. If you're my nephew or son or whatever, I'd probably say the same thing, you know, just to protect you.
James: Oh, yeah. It's like Peter telling Jesus, "I don't want you to die." It meant well.
Eric Huffman: Sure. God had a bigger plan. So you made it back to Texas, turned yourself in. I mean, were they ready for you? Did they take you right away?
James: No, they didn't. Which was another part of the story is that I got back to Texas and I had tried to get a hold of my parole officer, couldn't get a hold of her, called the office, couldn't get a hold of a supervisor. They're like, "Come in tomorrow." And I'd already been there. I had went and ate dinner with some friends and family. Like, "Hey, going away dinner." And so here I am ready, and they're like, "Ah, don't worry about it. Come in tomorrow." And I'm telling them all this stuff. Like, "I haven't been to parole since this time." And they're just like, "Oh, it's fine," basically. And I'm like, "This is not normal."
And so I tell my dad, I said, "Take me to the jail. I'm just going to go just go turn myself in." So I get to Montgomery County jail. I get in there, tell them my name. I'm like, "Surely," you know. They're like, "Well, we ran your name. There's no..." A blue warrant is what you get. If you've ran from parole, they issue a blue warrant. "Well, you don't have no blue warrant." I said, "What do you mean I don't have no blue warrant?" So then I told him, you know, I said, "Well, for sure I should have a blue warrant because I haven't talked to my parole officer in months, probably like eight months now, because the four months I was in Arkansas as well. So you need to call the parole office. You need to do something, but I'm going to stay right here."
And so I remember sitting there with my dad thinking, "This is nuts." When I'm running from the law, you know, it seems like they're right on my tail, and here I am trying to turn myself in-
Eric Huffman: They won't take you.
James: Yeah. And I sat there for about 45 minutes and then finally they said, "Okay, we've activated your blue warrant." They got ahold of whoever they got ahold of. Maybe my parole officer. And they were able to finally handcuff me and bring me to the back.
Eric Huffman: So I guess you plead guilty to the charges. You went back to prison for another, what, eight years?
James: Eight and a half.
Eric Huffman: Eight and a half years? What was that stint like compared to the one before it? How was the experience?
James: Totally different. Not even the same.
Eric Huffman: Just because it was a different prison or because you were a different man?
James: I could say a combination of both. Combination of both. So I got back in, I did all that time in the county. And I remember in the county, I was like... because I have tattoos, right? The gang tattoos. And I was like, "I'm not going to ride no more. I'm not going to run with them. I'm not going to do any of that stuff. That's not who I am."
As soon as I hit the system again, just the way everything got orchestrated, they didn't do things the normal way, the standard way. The way it all got set up, I'm in this dorm with all these new guys, and they're like, "Well, Hey, man, you should probably speak for all the woods in here because you got a level head." And here comes deception. I'm like, "Actually that's a fear. The fears mingle, but the deception kicks in." I'm like, "Actually, that is a good idea, because these dudes are going to run themselves in the wall. I got God, and I'm not going to try to put us in any situation. I'm going to try to keep us-
Eric Huffman: Change the system from within.
James: Yeah. Anyways, by the grace of God, I think for two or three months that went on before I got moved to another part of the unit where I wasn't the speaker of the dorm. There was so many situations that almost got out of hand. And I remember praying, I'm like, "God, you know that if it goes the wrong way, I'm going to do the wrong thing."
Eric Huffman: "You know this guy."
James: "You know that if this happens, this is what I'm going to do. So, God, I just pray that you'd prevent it altogether." So I served two masters, so to speak, for a few months. There was another guy. We went to church, the pastor came in, I've read the scripture, I've heard it in services, because I still go to church doing all that.
Eric Huffman: Inside?
James: Inside.
Eric Huffman: Okay.
James: Yeah. And I remember that very scripture I just said, he said, "You can't serve two masters." And I got so convicted and I realized that that's what I had been doing out of fear because, you know, of people pleasing and-
Eric Huffman: Sure. Survival.
James: Survival. And trying to control the narrative. That's my life. Just trying to control the narrative, manipulate, say what I need to say, do what I need to do to to get the outcome that I want.
Eric Huffman: That's right.
James: And so I remember going back to the dorm and me and this other guy, he was earring in circle. We're like, "Man, we're gonna lay down. And so whatever happens, happens." Like we're going to go tell the leaders, "Hey, we're done. And whatever y'all need to do, let's go ahead and do that." Well, neither one of us did it because it's a struggle.
I think about three weeks later, I finally went, and I remember in pride when I laced my boots up, I'm like, "All right, so we're going to fight. I'm going to let them know that I'm ready." So I called them all to the corner where you fight at and I said, "Hey, look, man, you already know I'm a Christian. Y'all know I don't really do everything y'all do. I love y'all, but hey, I'm gonna lay it down. So let's go ahead and get to it right now." They're like, "Whoa, whoa."
And it's funny because you you you think, you know, everything like you think that, or at least for me, I thought I knew what would happen, but they respected me so much. And there was so much grace and favor over my life with those men. They're like, "Absolutely not. We know you're the real deal."
Eric Huffman: Dude.
James: Because one of the ways out, not always, but one of the ways out is if you really have converted and you're a Christian, a lot of times they'll respect it, but they're always going to watch you because if you only use that as a religion." And so they're like, "No, we know you're the real deal, man. We actually respect you. And matter of fact, we're still going to have your back. You won't have to do anything. We got you."
Eric Huffman: Were you ever able to share your faith with other inmates on the inside?
James: Yeah. Absolutely.
Eric Huffman: It's gotta be pretty intense. I mean, you saw what Jesus did in your life, and it's probably risky, I would think, to share your faith with somebody else on the inside, more so than on the outside, I would think.
James: I would say it depends. It depends on where that person's at, what mind state they're in.
Eric Huffman: Did you ever make inroads with anybody and get them across the thresholds of Jesus?
James: Yeah. Now, I'm not the guy that's going to pray a sinner's prayer with someone. I'm going to wait for them to tell me, "I found him," or "He found me," or "I struggled with God and prevailed," or whatever.
Eric Huffman: I'm the same way, by the way, in my sort of strategy with people. It's not very formulaic in my mind. I think it's more about the relationship you have with somebody. What's different for you now? What's your life like today?
James: It's a beautiful thing. It really is. And I still struggle with stuff. I still have doubts. I deal with anxiety at times. But one thing I know is that God is for me and nobody can be against me.
Eric Huffman: Amen.
James: Even if everything falls around me, God's going to hold me up. And I just have that mindset because as soon as I started my Christian walk, it started with a hard, difficult path. From the very beginning, I knew that giving my life to Christ didn't mean everything turned out well. Matter of fact, the opposite, my life got a lot worse, but God gave me an internal peace. So I knew my circumstance didn't dictate what God could give me internally.
Eric Huffman: It's more like the New Testament, really. I mean, what happened to all them Christians? Straight to prison. Give your life to Jesus. Go to prison. Lose your head. Here's a cross. That's what you experienced. And it tests your mettle, but it grows your faith.
James: I can't say I suffer for righteousness sake, so to speak. I did the crime. I did the time. But also at the same time, God had forgiven me and God had set me on that path. God told me to turn myself in, and God knew that I needed to do eight and a half years because I needed to grow in grace, I needed to grow in His love, in His word. I needed to have a foundation.
I don't think I would have got it even at that church. I'm not saying there was anything wrong, but I know what God told me to do and there was a reason for it. God wanted me to grow with Him. He didn't want me to be indoctrinated. He wanted me to be led by the Spirit and to be taught by the Spirit so that when I knew something, it wasn't because a man told me. And not that I didn't listen to men. I learned a lot of things from other godly men, but ultimately, I knew it came from the Spirit.
Eric Huffman: You've been out for four years or so now.
James: Yeah. Four and a half, something like that.
Eric Huffman: You got a business.
James: I do.
Eric Huffman: Roofing.
James: Yeah.
Eric Huffman: Which always sounds like the closest thing to hell on earth to me in the middle of the summer in Houston. But you're working hard. Have you reestablished a connection with the daughter who was born when you were young?
James: Yes. She's lived with me for the last two years.
Eric Huffman: Come on.
James: Yeah.
Eric Huffman: Wow. How's she doing?
James: She's doing good.
Eric Huffman: Awesome.
James: She's not a Christian. She's a good kid, though. She's like me. When I talked to her, when we've had little discussions about it, when I try to go a little deeper, I'm like, "That's how I was." And I understand. So I don't have fear because I know my mom had fear up until I was 23 years old when I got saved. And I'm like, "Well, she didn't save me. My dad didn't save me. The Lord saved me."
Eric Huffman: That's right.
James: And so I can't save her.
Eric Huffman: In His time. Now you're married?
James: I am.
Eric Huffman: Congratulations. You guys have a baby boy coming.
James: Yes.
Eric Huffman: Pretty soon?
James: Yep. March.
Eric Huffman: Before we started rolling, you told me you got that 3D ultrasound and he looks just like you.
James: Yeah. Twin.
Eric Huffman: Amazing.
James: A little mini me.
Eric Huffman: What about the appetites that used to tempt you? All the addictions, the drugs, the women, all of it that used to, you know, distract you and tempt you, do you have any of those still? Do you have to willfully fight them or are they not a factor?
James: I would say that the drugs, a hundred percent, were completely eradicated from my life. And then also to add to that, I also don't put myself around them. I don't believe that I would do them. By the grace of God, I wouldn't. But I also don't have no desire to even be around it.
I would say that some of the things that I have to pray and fight, not that they're super, super bad, but I mean, you look around anywhere you walk, women are half naked, right?
Eric Huffman: Especially in Houston.
James: Yeah. And I would say, for men, that can be a pretty difficult one, to not look twice is the best way to say it. But one thing that I love is that, and I don't even like really talk to my wife about this, and I don't believe I have to, because I know how beautiful my wife is, I know the gift that she is to me, and I know that it's just my flesh that is fighting the lust of the eye.
Eric Huffman: That's right.
James: So it's not a desire that I have. It's just that old flesh trying to rise up and be something that it has no authority to be.
Eric Huffman: Amen. It's just a distraction. And you know, in your heart that it's not worth the pain and trouble and heartache it would cause to chase that distraction. But, you know, it's every man's battle in a way. Man, that is awesome.
Now, what would you say to somebody watching right now that is either already caught up in this life or is tempted to be, and that maybe they've dabbled in some substance abuse and things like that where you were, you know, back in the day? What would you say to them if they were sitting here right now listening to us talk? What would be your word to them?
James: Run. That desire that makes you feel so good, run. I promise you it'll chase you down. If you allow it to grab a hold of you, if you let it sink its fangs into you, it's not going to let go. And it's going to feel so good. You're going to feel like you finally found that thing you were looking for, that thing you've been searching for, that thing's going to make you feel complete, whole, satisfied. And you're going to have a love affair and you're going to fall in love. But at the end of that, you're going to feel empty. You're going to be so unrecognizable. You're going to look at yourself in the mirror and say, "Who am I? Why do I feel so empty? What was I actually chasing? Because I have nothing to show for it. Everything that I worked so hard for is gone. Everything that I own, I could probably put in a box." Just because something looks shiny or just because something promises great results or a good feeling, it doesn't mean it's the truth.
Eric Huffman: Reminds me of what Jesus said about the enemy: that he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. And if you think you're above it somehow and you won't be stolen from, killed, or destroyed by these things, you got another thing coming. And why just be another statistic? Your life is worth so much more than that.
James: Amen.
Eric Huffman: I hope somebody heard that today, and I hope somebody heard this whole story. James, you've got a powerful one, man. I hope you keep sharing it.
James: Amen.
Eric Huffman: And more important, I hope you keep living it, because I think God's just getting started with you, brother.
James: Amen.
Eric Huffman: Thanks for being here today.
James: Thank you.